The latter

 I'm feeling quite contrary. Wanting to just try something different. To give my art my all. And take a chance.

But I'm a pragmatic person, truly I am. Idealistic in thought but practical in action. Perhaps that will be my undoing? 

I wasn't always this way you see. I used to just jump. From job to job. Place to place. Then I found a suburban existence. I got almost everything I yearned for as a kid. Nice house. Comfort. Love. A reliable paycheck. Almost I say, because still, there is something missing, just outta reach. 

I wonder if my dad was here, what he would say. Would he say, just be happy with what you got? Or would he say, go for your dream. Dreams are all we got to keep us going... 

I think the latter.