Panorama of San Bernardino

Thursday, August 27, 2015


I haven't written for quite a while and I feel off kilter, unbalanced and anxious.  Life is busy.  Summer is ending and I am awaiting a response on a screenwriting month long fellowship I applied for. Things feel surreal, as if change is on the horizon.

Yet, isn't every day a new day? An opportunity to make a change? This is the longest I've ever been at a job.  Almost seven years.  I love being a deputy public defender. It's challenging, rewarding and I get plenty of vacation days.

Being me is hard.  I work really hard, play hard, then need to recharge my batteries.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am in a pickle.  When do my dreams become a priority?  There is only now I think. This typing on a screen watching the words appear one at a time.  It is the only time I feel real, and at home.  In short, it is bliss.

Shouldn't we all go for our bliss? I know that is true in theory, but reality is much harder.  Pragmatism kills an artist's soul and I have become much of a pragmatist in my forties.

Perhaps too much of a pragmatist me thinks.