Panorama of San Bernardino

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Sweet dreams

The current pandemic has taught me some important life lessons. Life is so short. It's filled with times you would never expect, like now, but those times offer a chance to reevaluate one's life. I've had plenty of time on the weekends to ruminate on my life. What I want. What I need.

What I've realized is that I'm an artist. At my core. I'm a performer. A witchy woman. A ham. An attention seeker. A risk taker. An optimist and most of all, a dreamer.

I've also realized that my anxiety and inability to turn my mind off has a purpose. My energy can be positive or very very negative (ask my husband), but when I'm on, I'm on.

The thing I've been working on the most is visualization. I've been visualizing what I want for my future. And it is big. Like wishing on a star, I'm keeping it secret, but I see the possibilities.

As a wise woman, Annie Lennox, once sang, "Sweet dreams are made of this. Who am I to disagree?"

Saturday, July 11, 2020

The girl in the mirror

I've been thinking much on the construct of JEM. I've said it before, that you only see what I want you to see. Sometimes it's warts and all, sometimes it's fantasy. It's all true but sometimes, what I don't say or show is the most telling.

I've decided to be more open. Many would say I'm probably already too open, and delight in my over sharing. True. I do enjoy the shock value and reduction in stigma of writing and speaking about my hemmroids, my mental health and my infertility.

Today, I saw my new therapist. It was virtual. I need help managing all this. My stress and my anxiety have been overwhelming me lately and I know when I need help.

She's Latina, my age and we have much in common. She kept mirroring myself back to me. Reinforcing a positive image of my drive, my intelligence, my tenacity and my work ethic. I liked the image she saw of me, the one she kept reiterating and for a moment I believed that was, and is, me.

Maybe I need to realize that I am my better self that I think is a construct. Maybe this is me. Maybe I am a hard worker, nice, kind, smart and helpful. Too often, I focus on my negatives. I tell myself that I am self absorbed, lazy, bossy and aggressive. Instead, I may actually be focused, active, determined and assertive.

I am changing the narrative today. I am reinforcing my own self worth. It's not ever about the outside. It's about what is inside. One's brain. One's heart. And one's actions.

So at least for today, I'm letting you know this is me. Just me.

Tuesday, July 7, 2020


Trying to conquer the universe is exhausting. I am no spring chicken. If I was smart, I would have started this whole "I wanna be a personality" thing a decade ago.

What no one tells you when you're young is that getting old is painful. My foot pain is back, hunching over my computer has created even worse upper back pain, hemmroids are the bane of my existence and my head hurts from eye strain.

Since I started my video podcast, I feel as if I am always working. I work all day at my day job, then at night, I work on either marketing my podcast, organizing it or writing my questions and copy.

But I love it. The only good thing about the pandemic is that it motivated me to record my audio podcast which would lead to this video podcast. My dreams are finally coming to fruition and to be perfectly frank, it's terrifying. I'm discovering talents I didn't even know I had. I love the extemporaneous nature of broadcasting. It's so damn fun. Best of all, it's been my motivation to work out and eat better because staying at home for Covid-19 caused me to gain weight I'm determined to lose.

No more hot pockets. No more Nutella toast. No more pancakes for dinner. No more delivered dumplings for lunch. I'm actually starting to enjoy salads. And poke bowls!

The next couple of months should be interesting. Hopefully, my circle will stay strong and healthy and the economy will bounce back.

Yet, regardless, I am grateful. Grateful for my friends, my family, my colleagues, my job, and for my clients who need me so desperately.

And most of all, I'm grateful for the chance to let my voice be heard. Amplifying my voice is everything I thought it would be and more. And it's only gonna get better baby. Just wait and see. Watch me.

Live podcast!