I learned something this week. Boundaries are hard. People like to cross them.
I've never been good at boundaries. I wish I had learned how to set them years ago. The problem with setting a boundary is that once someone crosses the boundary you've set, you have to speak up or your boundary means nothing.
This may seem vague, but it's not. It crosses over every aspect of my life. Family, friendships, as well as professional relationships. This week tested all of my relationships.
For years, I've let others cross lines, in all sorts of ways. I like being liked. It makes me happy when someone thinks I'm a hard worker and/or a good daughter and/or a loyal friend.
Yet, being liked and being respected and honored are very different things. Being liked really means nothing if people like you only because you'll do anything for them, no matter the cost to your own well being.
I've been working on myself this last couple of months. Trying to let go of my ego to reach true creative consciousness in my work and art. I'm trying to be present.
This week, I lost that presence for a moment. Forgot who I am, and who I try to be. I was resentful, angry even and I had to breathe and pull back and think what is my goal here?
My goal is to do the right thing. To do good work. To work hard and be present in everything I do. I'm not perfect. Nor do I try to be. But I need space and time to do my good work and I will demand that from now on.
The pandemic made me realize the power of presence and intention. In speaking your mind and being brave and being true to who you are. And I will not compromise my own self or my ideals any longer.
I am who I am. I am me. I am here. Right now. Writing this. Telling you, I'm here to stay.