Don't Worry Baby

I feel like I'm in crisis mode constantly. I'm always worrying about something. I have a lot of angst, and I know a lot of it is job related. My job is anxiety inducing by nature. It's a lot of stress.

What would make me happy I wonder? What if I could be anything? What would I choose to do with the rest of my life?

I need to think about that and sit with it. I don't want to lack direction. I want to know where I'm going. But I need a compass. 

In a month, I'll be giving a keynote to a group of Latina college students at CSUSB. It's an honor and a privilege. But what am I going to say? I need to think about how to frame my narrative in a way that illustrates that there's actually no need to worry. I've done okay. More than okay. I just need to remember that.

Maybe my life would be easier if I stopped growing and challenging myself. But that's something I cannot do. I have to be me. And I know I have to use these wings that I was given to reach high in the sky. I need to soar baby. No need to worry just fly. 

Dream the impossible

Change is on the horizon. I can feel it. Something big is coming and I am ready. 

I've had dreams for a long time. Big dreams. Some might say unrealistic dreams even. Dreams of the impossible. I've been chasing and tilting at windmills. My pen of a sword in the air. 

But somehow, I've always known that maybe, just maybe, my crazy dreams could come true. 

Maybe it was my mom teaching me to read at three that made me realize that I could do anything. My writing is something I've worked at and worked at for two decades almost. It hasn't been easy. At first, I didn't know if I could write. I put pen to paper and those first stories, they wobbled a bit. But eventually I found my voice and now it's like riding a bicycle. It feels natural. I put my feet to the pedals and I go. I just go for a ride. 

Performing was the same way. It took a while, but I learned to take my nervousness and turn it into excitement, turning my anxious energy into fuel. Now I just get up on stage and let go.

There's a lot of fear with wanting my dreams, the huge ones. What if it doesn't happen? Well what if? If so, then I still have a great life. I've found a beautiful garden of friends. I have my family. I'll always have that. 

But if I don't go where the universe leads me, despite my terror at being let down, I'll never know. And I know somehow, that this is meant to be. I feel it in my bones friends. The vibrations are real. 

So wish me luck.