Yesterday was a holiday. I could not relax. I tried. I meditated. Drank tea. Got a massage. Lit a candle. Tried to read a book I'm blurbing. But I could not concentrate.
So when I'm anxious I get on task. That usually helps me feel like I have a semblance of control. I did my homework for school. I'm two weeks ahead in my workshop MFA class because this is Carnival Week in New Orleans and we're on hiatus. I planned my AWP writers conference trip and looked at must see things in Seattle. But completing these tasks did not help. I was still anxious.
Then I realized that I was anxious because I was avoiding the task which actually made me anxious, my screenwriting project.
Truth is, screenwriting is challenging for me and terrifying. I feel like I am a novice writer all over again, learning new structure and terminology. I am off kilter. Like Dorothy in the cyclone, I'm spinning round and round in my house that's set to land in a new world. A technicolor one to boot. So early this morning, before I started my day job, I reviewed some screenwriting materials I'd been avoiding. It wasn't hard. It only took an hour or so and all of a sudden I could breathe again.
I've had an epiphany that uncertainty is scary. And my adventure that I'm embarking on is a frightening one, but that also, I will be okay. I will be okay. I will be okay.
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