Dreaming

"Dreaming is free." Blondie said so and hence, it must be true.

Or maybe the only thing dreaming costs is expectation. Hope is useful you see. It lets us see what we really want. How important it is. 

On Friday, I attended an awards ceremony at LA City College for the 2022 International Latino Book Awards. My first book, "Portrait of a Deputy Public Defender or how I became a punk rock lawyer", was up for an award. 

Poor Adrian. I made him go hours early. That's how my anxiety manifests. It's like what was I worried about? We weren't going to LAX...

So we sat and waited. I drank a nitro coffee from the snack shop and ate chips. We met a writer from South America and I exchanged books with him. Adrian translated. I got more and more hyper. Starting to sweat, I registered once the ceremony opened (about 11:30 and we arrived about 9:30). I scanned through the program, and found my category called the Mariposa Award (butterfly in Spanish) for best new book, nonfiction in English. My award category was toward the end. Of course it was. This was a test. 

By noon, we were inside the hall. I fidgeted. Took pictures. Sat. Tried to be present as I watched the ceremony. Due to technical difficulties with virtual presenters, the ceremony went way over. By the time they reached my category, I was a wreck. Too much nitro coffee and too much perspiration. 

When they announced the bronze and silver winners, I started to shake. Visibly. And cry. My name hadn't been called yet and thus I knew. I had won gold. 

After my 30 second speech, and receiving my award (from the ambassador to Mexico & lawyer/counsel for the Mexican consulate!), I was finally able to relax. We had lunch and I networked and flitted around and was interviewed for a podcast. Met a few Latina writers who had also won and we hung out. I was happy. 

Looking back, I am so filled with joy. Everything seems surreal. Almost like magic. My dreams are coming true, you all see that right? I once dreamed of being a lawyer, and I accomplished it. But that law degree wasn't for me the way writing is and always will be. Writing hits me in my soul.

As a young girl, I would sit in the park and read and it was my solace. My haven. Books were and are my passion. And to have my dream come true of becoming an award winning author, well that's everything. 

It really is.