Busy bee

You know I'm busy when I'm not blogging. Usually, I'm super consistent but sometimes work and life gets in the way.

I do a lot. I know this. I have pulled back. I'm saying no much more often. I'm thinking about what brings me bliss. And I'm starting to have some epiphanies. They're not fully formed yet but they're there. I talked to a class of high school kids recently and it made me happy. Seeing their bright, and shiny faces, it made me remember. When they all raised their hands to ask questions, I got choked up. 

When I was a kid, life was not always easy going, but at least in many ways, I was free. Free to read, free to explore and free to think. But of course, all I really wanted was to get older. And when we get older, life is just a series of tasks and decisions. And I'm kind of sick of it.

It would be easy to be super responsible and stay for my finances sake. And by the time I'm free, I'll be too old to enjoy my free time. Or I could make some tough decisions. Downgrade. And just jump.

I'm not really ready yet, but I'm close. I'm at the end of the diving board looking at the water, hands in the air. I keep thinking, just do it. My students loans are paid off, my car is all mine, pink slip and all and I'm really just working to pay for my expenses and health care. 

Maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe just maybe, I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time.