The sounds

I wrote this from a prompt in my MFA class by my brilliant professor Juyanne James 

It's seven am. I've been up all night. My eyes close. Then I hear my dog Frodo wheezing again. No! Jumping up from the couch, I see he's seizing again. His jaws clenching. His black eyes rolled back. I scream silently in my head. 

Breathe, I tell myself and I copy what Adrian did earlier. I pry Frodo's mouth open. Dearest Frodo. My hobbit named shih tzu of fifteen years who has soothed me so often. I blow and blow into his tiny mouth and press my hands to his furry black and white spotted chest. I press over and over like Adrian said to do if it happened again. His brother Chewbaca whines, watching.

In my head, I flash back to watching the paramedics working on my father's chest, seventeen years ago.

But Frodo comes back. I am so relieved that I cheer and cuddle him, tears running down my face. Kissing him while Bowie plays in the background. My other shih tzu Chewbacca licks Frodo's ears while whining some more. Frodo wheezes softly still. Shhhhh. Shhhh.  It almost sounds like he's whispering to me. 

I try to slow down time. To see if I can get God to let me spend more time with him. But everything speeds up. Like a movie on fast forward. 

I'm on the phone with the emergency vet. Frantic, I throw on a sweater and flip flops. I text my court team for coverage. I turn my head. A louder wheeze. Another seize. I repeat my efforts. He comes back again. I hug him and put him in the car. Chewbacca whines as we walk out the door. 

The whole car ride Frodo wheezes. Softly still. Shhhhhh. 

Within twenty minutes, I am at the emergency vet. More wheezing. Seizing. A wheeze. Another seize. Within an hour, Frodo will be gone. They will wrap him in a dark brown velvet blanket, fitting for a hobbit and I hold him, telling him how much I adored him. How he saved me. How I am so sorry I couldn't save him. 

Kissing his small black nose, I rock him and sing him a little lullaby, like a whisper, a song for him, and for my dad, and for all who are gone. Shhhhh. Shhhhh.