Panorama of San Bernardino

Friday, October 3, 2014

How to deal

Lately, I have been unable to deal.  I have to admit my anxiety has taken over and I am a mess.  Off kilter, I have not slept and I am sleepwalking my way through my day.  The ramifications are many.  My lack of sleep coupled with my anxiety has created a shaky and irritable Juanita.  My heart rate is up and my heartache is paramount.

I long for the days of old where I could shrug it all off with a beer or a rum and coke.  Without alcohol, life is harder I admit.  But, I don't regret this sober albeit more anxious me.  My therapist (yes, I found one and I adore her) keeps telling me that I need to simplify things.

Am I anxious because my life is not what I expected? Yes.  But the truth is, my life is based on choices I made.  Maybe I need to make new and better choices for myself.  And this morning, after sleeping for several hours last night due to sheer exhaustion without any Tylenol PM, I tell myself that everything will be ok.

If this feels like a rant, it is.  It is just a chronology of my thoughts.  I have lost my ability to string words together into an essay today.  Instead, this is what you get.  Deal with it.  As must I.

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