Lately, I have been unable to deal. I have to admit my anxiety has taken over and I am a mess. Off kilter, I have not slept and I am sleepwalking my way through my day. The ramifications are many. My lack of sleep coupled with my anxiety has created a shaky and irritable Juanita. My heart rate is up and my heartache is paramount.
I long for the days of old where I could shrug it all off with a beer or a rum and coke. Without alcohol, life is harder I admit. But, I don't regret this sober albeit more anxious me. My therapist (yes, I found one and I adore her) keeps telling me that I need to simplify things.
Am I anxious because my life is not what I expected? Yes. But the truth is, my life is based on choices I made. Maybe I need to make new and better choices for myself. And this morning, after sleeping for several hours last night due to sheer exhaustion without any Tylenol PM, I tell myself that everything will be ok.
If this feels like a rant, it is. It is just a chronology of my thoughts. I have lost my ability to string words together into an essay today. Instead, this is what you get. Deal with it. As must I.