I am listening to the new Pixies album Indie Cindy on repeat. My favorite song is Greens and Blues. The refrain goes like this,
"I'm wasting your time, just talking to you/Maybe best you go on home/I'll leave you alone, fade from your mind/Slip into the greens and blues."
Like all of the Pixies' best work, the lyrics are a bit murky and symbolic and edged with a sliver of meloncholy. There is something about Frank Black's rusty edged voice that gets me. Some singers let you see into their soul when they sing and Frank Black is one of those type of singers.
Listening to the Pixies' new album raced me back in my memory to my high school years when the Pixies' best albums Sufer Rosa and Doolittle came out. Those albums were my junior and senior years of high school and my best friends Melinda, Tracy and I would listen to the CDs over and over dancing on the stairs and trying to figure out the undecipherable meaning of songs like Tame, Debaser and Where is My Mind. Frank Black's lyrics are steeped in a mix of religion and surrealism and draw the listener in with the mix of hard and soft. The thing people often miss about the Pixies is how melodic many of their songs are. There is always a catchy melody embedded within the walls of a Pixis song. You just have to find it.
Their music inspires me. Making music looks easy but all creation is hard. It is like digging into your heart and mind and cutting out a piece of yourself and putting it on a plate for all to see and consume. Writing is never easy for me, but it satiates me. My memoir has been a work in progress for years and I know it just needs a little time and TLC to germinate into what I want and need it to be.
Like my art, making a baby has not been easy. Nothing in my life has been easy but this process has been the hardest. Harder than anything. But, I can't let this go. I have too much hope that I am meant to create this life.
There are no guarantees. That I know. I am a cynic by nature. This whole fertlility process could be a big disappointment or it could be one of the greatest moments in my life.
For now, I will just sit in bed and hope and pray that something takes root. And try not to slip into the greens and blues.