Panorama of San Bernardino

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Meditations while on muscle relaxers

Yesterday was a strange day. It made me realize some things I am meditating on today.

I am blessed. When the car rammed into my Mercedes on the freeway yesterday, the force was so strong that I hit the steering wheel with my chest. I blacked out for a moment.

When I woke up a split second later, chaos ensued. After we pulled off the freeway, the car who hit me took off and I was left alone in a Wal-Mart parking lot shaking uncontrollably.

But this story is not about the accident. Or about my experience with the kind paramedics and the helpful CHP (and the unhelpful Colton PD). It is not about my subsequent four hour emergency room visit.

This piece is about what is in my head today as I lay in bed, a Shih-Tzu on each side of me.

In my head is a mix of Norco induced euphoria and gratitude. It sounds cliche, but the truth is, I am grateful to be here. I am grateful that I can watch Seinfeld and Roseanne reruns and write this essay on my iPhone. I am grateful for being able to write anything at all. Not everyone can do what I do with words and I am happy to be able to express myself creatively.

Usually, I complain about living with my mother-in-law Orieta and brother-in-law Gabe. But today I am grateful for Orieta who keeps on asking me if I need anything and for Gabe who offered to help take care of my car issues.

I am also thankful for my friends who keep checking in on me. And I thank God for my job as a public defender because I get plenty of sick days and they never pressure me into coming in.

I am also grateful for my husband who kissed me on my forehead this morning and told me he loves me.

And, I am grateful for my sisters and mom who I get to talk to every day.

Life sometimes gets me down and my fertility issues have caused me a lot of anxiety lately.

Today, none of that matters because I am a very lucky girl. My plan is to say it three times every day from here out while clicking my heels in thankfulness.

I am a very lucky girl.

I am a very lucky girl.

I am a very lucky girl.

(Heels clicking)

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