Panorama of San Bernardino

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Our washer is leaking.  I think it's the seal.  I have so much laundry and every load I wash produces a puddle on the laundry room floor.  Adrian will fix this soon I know.  Having a mechanic turned dentist husband around is handy.  He can fix anything.  Except my mood.

I catch myself snapping at everyone.  Why am I irritable?  I am on vacation and have spent my days thus far parked on the couch writing.  Writing sometimes equals taking the dogs to the dog park and sometimes equals watching Price is Right.  Usually it just means making myself write.  This is my idea of a content life.

But the real problem is again my mood.  Maybe writing about my childhood is making me anxious.  Or maybe having these moms around is the reason.  Sometimes, I just want space to breathe, to be alone and walk through the house in my underwear and bra (yes fat girls do that too). 

I remember when I lived in Houston.  I spent my weekends trying to fill the time.  I walked around Half Price Books in the Village for hours, shopped at Lane Bryant and had a coffee and quiche at Le Madeline's with my book.  I went to many movies alone and in the dark theater I munched my popcorn in peace.  It was lonely yes, but I had time for myself. 

Now, I spend my weekends trying to find time to do what I love: reading, writing and movies.  There is never enough time.

I am like my leaky washer in a lot of ways.  I have been around a while and my skin is a bit loose and flappy.  I am stressed out and over worked.  I can't hold my water (probably too much information).  I am filled up and fed up most of the time.   

How do I fix my own seal?  

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