I am on vacation and spent my morning in bed reading. Amazon is making a fortune from me. This week I downloaded and read three books thus far. It's dangerous this Kindle. I have millions of books at my fingertips and pressing the "buy now" button doesn't really feel like spending money.
I digress because my real reason for posting this afternoon is to verbalize that I am at a crossroads of sorts. While surfing the web this morning, I looked up University of Iowa's non fiction MFA program. Applications are due in September. I want to apply. I can't believe I just wrote that. It's true. I do.
I think to myself, how could this work? We have our house in the Inland Empire, I have my dream job as a public defender, Adrian has his practice and we have the moms and our dogs.
I have done this moving thing many times before and want to make sure I am thinking this through. By applying I know I am opening up a possibility and a potential hard decision to make later down the road. Am I ready for this?
When I graduated from law school, I moved to Houston without even thinking it through. I never talked to Adrian about it. We had been together eleven or twelve years (the years blur together after ten). I should have talked to him about it, but I didn't. Instead, I just up and moved. Then, when I decided I was done with Texas, I moved to San Francisco to join him in dental school without much asking and no job search. I took the first job that came along .
Three years later, I did it again. A few months after my dad died, I got mad at a partner at the boutique law firm I worked at in downtown San Francisco and started looking for jobs. I saw the ad for the largest firm in the Inland Empire and applied. I never even told Adrian. When I told Adrian I got an interview, he was flummoxed. "Why would you move? I have more than a year left of dental school."
I told him that my mom needed me, I didn't want to give up the opportunity, my excuses went on and on. Ultimately, I pushed Adrian's words and worries aside and moved back home. Adrian was left to finish his last year of dental school alone. Looking back, it was a mistake. I bought a house in an overpriced market and the job at the "new" law firm was worse than the law firm I left.
This time, it will be different. It has to be different. I am married and part of a team. I am not doing this because I am scared. Instead, I feel as if a higher power is pushing me toward this. The only time I am truly happy is when I have finished a piece of writing.
Maybe I will apply to both University of Iowa and UC Riverside. A girl needs options.