I've been thinking much on the construct of JEM. I've said it before, that you only see what I want you to see. Sometimes it's warts and all, sometimes it's fantasy. It's all true but sometimes, what I don't say or show is the most telling.
I've decided to be more open. Many would say I'm probably already too open, and delight in my over sharing. True. I do enjoy the shock value and reduction in stigma of writing and speaking about my hemmroids, my mental health and my infertility.
Today, I saw my new therapist. It was virtual. I need help managing all this. My stress and my anxiety have been overwhelming me lately and I know when I need help.
She's Latina, my age and we have much in common. She kept mirroring myself back to me. Reinforcing a positive image of my drive, my intelligence, my tenacity and my work ethic. I liked the image she saw of me, the one she kept reiterating and for a moment I believed that was, and is, me.
Maybe I need to realize that I am my better self that I think is a construct. Maybe this is me. Maybe I am a hard worker, nice, kind, smart and helpful. Too often, I focus on my negatives. I tell myself that I am self absorbed, lazy, bossy and aggressive. Instead, I may actually be focused, active, determined and assertive.
I am changing the narrative today. I am reinforcing my own self worth. It's not ever about the outside. It's about what is inside. One's brain. One's heart. And one's actions.
So at least for today, I'm letting you know this is me. Just me.
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