Sometimes

I've been overcome with anxiety recently. It has always waxed and waned for me, but with work, the world, and all the pressure I put on myself, it's been a bit overwhelming. 

The main place I see it is in my sleep patterns. I don't sleep is the point. I wake up, my brain still running like a computer that I can't get to shut down. I can take Benadryl and sometimes do, but I don't want to tranquilize my self to sleep every night. 

Yesterday, I had the day off and I just couldn't relax. Work issues were spinning in my head, and yes it had been a rough week, but not that bad. I'd been through way worse in my job as a deputy public defender over the years. Yet, for some reason, I could not disconnect or let go. I felt tethered to it all.

So I decided to meditate. I found an anxiety releasing guided meditation and did it for twenty minutes. It was hard to focus, but I forced myself. About fifteen minutes in, I felt something let go. My chest eased. My brain calmed down. 

After the meditation, I slept and slept for hours. Snoring loudly (according to my husband who had come to check on me). My dogs even slept, no barking, because they'd heard the meditative voice which I'd streamed on my phone. We all just snored, slept and relaxed. 

And, sometimes, that's all you need.