Sitting

I'm up. Anxious. Worried, thinking what if Merry doesn't make it through the surgery? 

My twin told me a few days ago that whatever is meant to be will be. She's right. I know. 

A writer friend of mine talks about sitting in the hours. But how do you sit in time when all you can do is worry?

I've been entrusted with these small little puppies. Their lives were in my hands and the worst happened. They were hurt. I feel so much guilt and remorse for not doing better, but then I think it's okay. They will be okay. You will be okay.

Yesterday, I tried to be kind to myself. I told myself, all is good. I drank too much coffee just trying to get through my last day of work for a couple of weeks. I was anxious. 

This is just my little slip of my world. My corner I must sit in. We all have issues. Family members get hurt and sick. They age. We must deal with it. It's part of the human condition. But it's hard. 

I deal with trauma everyday at work. People incarcerated at the worst point in their lives. I always tell the people in my program that my best day is when I see my clients out of custody doing well. It happens all the time. People do better. They get better. 

I can do better, and I will. In an hour, I will drive Merry to his doctor and I will stay positive and then I will drive home and wait.