Another

So I'm sitting here. In the bathroom. Waiting for the steam to do its work on Chewbacca's lungs. He woke up hacking. At 445 am. It was so loud that it echoed in the house and woke me up. 

I'd snuck upstairs last night to sleep when he started snoring. I got a good six hours, maybe seven. He sits on the rug looking at me with his big brown eyes then walks to the bathroom door as if to say, open it I'm done.  

He looks at me again. I shake my head knowing he can't see me or much of anything anymore. "Lay down Chewbacca", I plead. He lies down and lays his head on his paws and sighs. 

The room fills with steam. I breathe in deeply. He's stopped coughing. I'm buying a nebulizer today. I have to make sure he sleeps with it. His meds really aren't working anymore and he hates taking them although I force him to by placing them in caramel or sometimes chicken. 

Chewbacca moves to the tile at my feel. He hasn't coughed since the steam filled the room. I know the end is near but I'm just trying to get him some more good times. His quality of life means everything to me. Chewbacca has been my devoted companion for 16 years. Frodo lasted fifteen years and the end was quick. But I miss him so desperately at times. 

Chewbacca has fallen asleep. He breathes in deeply no coughing. I remind myself that times like these are everything. It may seem taxing to get up and do this, but really (except for the fact I left my espresso at the machine this morning) it's not. It just is. We just are.

So I take another deep breath. And another.