Make believe

There is a lot of make believe in life. Pretending is part of life. We all play roles. We must. Punk rock girl Juanita, the writer aka JEM, is not who I am at work. At work, I'm a different person. Not really me I'm realizing. And that's because I can't be me there. I'm a version of me for work. And that's okay. I've reconciled myself to that. 

Yet, even outside of work, it's a struggle to be me sometimes. It's probably because I don't always know who I am or who I want to be. I'm 52 people and I'm still struggling to find myself. 

On the page, things are different. Thank goodness. The words flow. I'm here. I'm me. I'm open. I'm honest. I try to be true and kind. I have a mean side. I have a dark side. I am ambitious and crave recognition and accolades more than I ever want to admit.

Truth be told, the real me is still that little girl squinting at the chalkboard in class, waving her hand, aching to be called on.