Thanksgiving thanks

Gratitude is important. It's what this holiday should really be about. It's about seeing your family and appreciating them, as well as about appreciating life.

I've kinda been in a funk. I don't always talk about it, but the weather along with the state of the world has gotten me down. I've been sleeping a lot. I wake up early so the earlier I go to bed, the earlier I rise which creates a vicious circle. I woke up early to start working yesterday, as we were ending early, and went to bed at 730 pm. I'm writing this at 330 am.

Is it a mild depression? It could be. I still have my anxiety but it's been pretty manageable. I work on not letting my "thoughts" get the best of me. And I'm not letting myself get overextended. I've realized that my way of managing my anxiety is to do so so much that I have no time to "think" which causes more anxiety, and another vicious cycle. 

What am I most thankful for? I'd have to say I'm most grateful that my mom is still here, along with Chewbacca, the shih tzu. And yes, of course I'm grateful for my husband, although he's the one I take for granted and I'm trying to show my love for him more overtly. I'm not good at being lovey dovey but I'm trying because I still have stars in my eyes for him. 

I'm also grateful for my mother in law and my sisters and nieces. Would I love to have my own kid? Sure, but it wasn't in the cards and the ache of that loss is getting easier, though there was a time I didn't think I would bounce back from it, but I did. 

You see, I have also found that gratitude is not just being grateful for getting everything you asked for. Sometimes gratitude is thankfulness for what you got instead. And the universe has gifted me a lot. I know this. I do. I love my writing "career", if I dare call it that. It's a dream come true. 

So thank you universe, I'm grateful for what I have received.