Over the rainbow

I am obsessed with the idea of how one gets somewhere. I don't mean it literally, such as whether you walk or drive, but figuratively. How does someone get to a destination in their life they've been seeking?

When I think of how I became a lawyer, I've realized that it was out of survival and a yearning for legitimacy. To this day, I'm not sure it was the right choice for my mental health. Law is stressful. It can be negative. There's a lot of pressure.

When I left corporate litigation and big firm life, I was seeking something more rewarding and a career more in line with my ideals. I found it as a deputy public defender. Yet, I wonder, am I stagnating by staying? My philosophy has radically changed. I no longer believe in this system of so called justice, but I do believe in people and the power of redemption. So I stay. 

But I've realized that I work best without extreme pressure and stress. I get things done, but negativity tends to stymie me. Lately, in my day job, there's been much negativity. I try to always stay positive and engaged but it's difficult when others are not. 

So I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass. I wrote my books and created my writing career out of thin air. And I can create another avenue for myself for the future me. This job is one I've done for many years. It will not last forever. So I will just do my best while I'm here and try to stay positive. 

That's all I can do, that's all everyone can do. Just move forward and visualize what's next over the rainbow.