Life and love

Life is beautiful. Life is hard. Life is joyful. Life is sad. Today, at least for today, life is just life. 

I'm in Vegas. It's 1 am. And I'm not partying. I fell asleep after a huge Italian multi course meal. Anyone who has had dinner with me knows that I don't eat much at one sitting. But this night, I made an exception. I ate bread. I ate stuffed mushrooms. I ate pasta. I had stopped drinking and was only drinking water because I wanted to eat as much as possible. Then espresso. Hubby ordered cannoli which I resisted. (Drink the espresso, leave the cannoli). Then heartburn.

It was my bestie's birthday so I wanted to stay up and party. But I decided to take a catnap when we got back about 730 pm and poof, I fell asleep and woke up at midnight. Like Cinderella reversed. At least I still had both of my shoes. 

So laying here, with my headphones on listening to the Shins, damn the lead singer's voice is so sublime, I am thinking about life and what really matters. What really matters are moments. Memories. Good times. Best friends. Being present and real. Listening to someone. Connections. Sisters. Family, with dog included of course. Perhaps I am homesick and missing the moms and my dog Chewie although maybe not in that order. I miss my late Frodo's shih tzu black eyes. And I always miss my dad. I can still hear his voice in my mind. 

I can't really say if I know much, but I know this. You won't ever regret taking time to relax. To recharge. I'm always on task and my day job can be exhausting and my side writing gig can be all consuming, so rarely do I just relax and not multi-task. 

I suppose what I am trying to do now is to take some time to breathe. To listen to music in the sun. To decide where I want to go and do without expectations for myself. As you know, I am always striving, yet right now I just want to breathe without effort or anxiety. Keep breathing deep I tell myself. Over and over. Until I can hear my heartbeat. Until I can see what's next on the horizon. Not a mirage or a vision. It will just be a feeling. 

Maybe a feeling like love.