Panic then a sigh

This has been a hard yet joyous month for me. In many ways, this blog is the most intimate of my writings. My books are curated, edited, and carefully structured. They are a version of me. From the past mostly. But this blog is the now. On the page for you to see. If you read closely, you'll see that it's just me, warts and all. At 3 am.

Earlier this month, I realized it was time for a change, mostly at work. If you had been reading my blogs, it was obvious that I needed something different. Yet, I also realized that I wanted to stay as a deputy public defender. 

Always a forward mover and thinker, and at times too reactive, and controlling, I decided to take it slow. I meditated and visualized. What did I really need and crave? What were the things that needed adjusting? 

While I was thinking, meditating and lighting my candles, and using my sage spray, the universe took control. That's what happens when you surrender. A door opened up (I knocked, it answered) and I walked right thru it into post conviction, still at my office, where I can use my experience in mental health to my clients' benefit. 

It going to be a life affirming experience for me. I have to change floors and departments, but I'll still get to try and save lives and do my part, small as it is on a micro level, to end mass incarceration.

So there it is. Panic turned to a sigh of acceptance. A surrender that led to resolution and change. This morning at 3 am, I realized that I'm right where I'm meant to be and there's nothing to fear. The universe knows exactly where it's taking me. And eventually so will I.