I've been up since 3. My sleep has been off since my dog Frodo passed away. I've been going to bed early as a result. By 8 pm, I'm spent.
The question on my mind is, who am I? I almost feel as if I am multiple people. My lawyer self at work, a wife and dog mom at home, my writer side in school and at events. But who am I?
The other day, I lost my phone. Then when I realized I'd lost it. I couldn't handle it. I found it after a lotta deep breaths. If a lost phone can put me in a tailspin, I'm in trouble.
Maybe work is just too much. The shit is unrelenting. I'm a good lawyer, at times very good, and yet, nothing changes. It just builds and builds. Not enough support for sure. I'm coming to some realizations. It makes me sad. You either stay in the chaos or you bounce. Truth. Just speaking it. And hey, maybe it's just a bad day, week, month, or even years. Of too much. Just too much. Change can be good. I need to remember that. But don't hold me to this because I've been here before...
Then Wednesday night, I had a podcast. Everything went wrong. I had to rush my prep my interview questions early morning, run home from work after a hectic day, my computer died, my software failed, my guest got kicked out twice, and I had to interview holding my phone up with one hand. Yet still, it is one of my favorite interviews. Because I was present. Holding up my phone with one hand people (the angle was nice). That takes skills.
Not worrying about my script. In the moment listening. Just present. It was beautiful. We talked about grief, loss, joy, fathers, mothers, and love.
And that's when I knew, I'm powerful beyond measure.
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