I'll be me

There's a Replacements' lyric (from a song called I'll Be You) that says,

"Lonely I guess that's where I'm from..."

I'm not feeling lonely nowadays. While I may still "be a rebel without a clue" at times (another Replacements' lyric from that same song), I don't want to be anyone but me. 

It's as if the clouds opened up and I got to see who I want to be and who I am and the two visions are not so far apart. Since I was a little girl, I always dreamed myself into stories. Now I dream stories into being. These are my books, my stories that I'm reading from. And I'm so very grateful.

None of this could happen without my dedication and lots of support. I'm so very lucky to have a great family, a supportive husband and the best writing friends a gal could ask for. Every opportunity I have ever received is because of my relationships with other writers.

Sometimes, I want to pinch myself. Am I really part of this community of writers? I've loved books so much, forever and ever, and to have other writers I admire lift me up is amazing. All I can do I guess, in gratitude, is to try and return the favor and support other writers in return.

Now I am not yet exactly who I want to be. I am still anxious as hell. I didn't sleep the night before my UCR talk because my anxiety was outta control. The day of, all I could do was breathe, do my makeup, drink espresso and pray I would do ok. 

And it was a beautiful experience. Epic. I'll never forget it. 

No longer am I the girl under the bleachers crying. I've made it. It felt even better than the day I got my USC law degree. Because this writing thing, you see, it's all for me and in memory of my dear departed dad. 

It's all love baby. Just love. I'll take it.