Wake up

It's 4 am. I went to bed in pain, but woke up feeling better physically, but stuck in a nightmare.

I had nightmares a lot when I was a little kid. There was one with a guy with huge yellow big bird glasses who would chase me. One with a Jesus statute that used to talk to me. One where I'd be in a car and the car would fly off a mountain. And one with a dark magic witch who would haunt me.

It was constant and terrifying. I would fight off sleep.

For many years, I used to be somewhat scared of the dark, but my husband who needs darkness to sleep, cured me of it and of leaving the TV on.

The dark became comforting and peaceful next to him. I hadn't had nightmares in years. 

Last night, a witch had me trapped in a painting in my dream. Stuck in a room. She would disappear then return. It reminded me a bit of a Netflix show called "Nightbooks" we started watching started recently. Maybe that's where it came from. Movies can do that to me and it's why I rarely watch scary movies at night.

Or maybe, this nightmare was caused by something else. The bad dream could be a manifestation of my anxiety. The unease I feel. The stress I'm under at work. At home. In my writing. The upcoming surgery.

This week I'll work on centering myself. Having pure thoughts and intentions. Letting go of resentments and petty concerns. You see, I know what's going on. Much of my suffering, especially anxiety related, is caused by my overactive brain. It's a blessing and a curse. 

So I will focus on what I can control, which is really only my presence. The now. And just keep going. 

Remembering, always, that I'm blessed. Grateful. Here. Very content. Joyful. Full of light.

If this sounds like a mantra, and a prayer, it kinda is.