Here comes your man

The pain is blinding.  Hemorrhoids suck. It feels like pieces of glass are stuck in my asshole.

I try and breathe my way through it, then give up. I run upstairs wincing with every step. Chewie is running behind me, his tongue hanging out. I walk into my bedroom and rummage around in my nightstand. I find my pen and take a hit. It tastes like skittles. I blow the smoke out then rub CBD cream on my back.

I lay down in my bed and breathe. I practice my meditation imagining a white light. Chewie whines and then barks to get on the bed. I lift him up and stare into his light brown eyes, they’re the color of candy caramels. He licks my face. I kiss his nose.

I shout into the air, “Hey Google, play Pixies!”

Google says back, “Sure, playing Pixies on Pandora.”

I imagine I’m in an ocean swimming, the waves lapping my pain away. My ass is throbbing, but the hemorrhoid pain is lessening from a ten to a more manageable five. It goes to an even duller ache and I start singing along, “There is a wait so long, so long so long, You’ll never wait so long. Here comes your man.”

Singing always makes me happy. I hear the door downstairs open. Adrian is home. Frodo starts barking. A tear rubs down my face, residue from the pain I was in.

I smile. Throwing off my house dress, I pull on a Replacements t-shirt and some leopard print shorts and wash my face. I smile at my reflection willing myself to smile and act happy. No one loves a negative Nancy.

The pain is gone and suddenly I’m laughing. I’m relieved and euphoric, as if I’m drugged. But, I’m not high. Instead, it is the absence of pain that makes me joyful.

I go downstairs.