Date night

Last night, my husband and I had a date night. We used to have them all the time. Some might say our entire twenty-five year relationship, and within that our ten years of marriage this December, has been one long extended and very adventurous date. One of our goals has always been to have fun and we do. Despite being busy professionals and care taking for my elderly mother in law, we always made what we find joyful a priority.

For me, that usually means music concerts. Forty something or not, I love me an alternative or punk show. There is nothing better. Some years we would go to a show a month, sometimes twice a month. Our record was three in three days. It about killed me but it was The Cure.

The fun had stopped for a while. Like a spinning record whose owner forgot about, the music scratched a groove and came to a sudden stop. We had a death you see and it rocked my small family.

My husband was wrecked and I did not know if he would or even could recover from the death of his brother who was only 54. And I knew my mother in law would never bounce back. And as you know, with all of our trying, we have no kids to look at and say, it will all be OK.

Yet, life goes on. It’s been five months and the color is coming back into our world. It’s still grey most days but every now and then, I will see a flash of bright blue sky or green grass. My husband will never be the same, nor will his mom. I know that. Some losses you do not get over (for me, not having a child).  But you still have to get up everyday and live. You do. You must.

So I am content with small things and to be given this gift. A night in a nice hotel, some good grub and fancy craft cocktails at a speakeasy. Watching my husband smile and relax is the music my soul needs right now. And it feels good.