Panorama of San Bernardino

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Letting go

Sometimes, you need to ask for help.  This has been a hard couple months and the other day, everything hit me.  I felt as if I couldn't breathe.  To say I was overwhelmed by it all is an understatement.  My anxiety boiled over like a teapot left over a flame too long.

Knowing I was drowning in the misery of it all, I reached out.  Flailing, I turned to my husband, my sisters, my friends, and finally, to a professional. And, my fatalistic and pessimistic view of the world was turned upside down because everyone was supportive, so supportive that it lifted me up.  And, I could breathe again.

One can't deny one truth. Life is hard.  And my life is difficult and complicated.  Clearly, things need to change.

But because of all of the support in my life,  I am able to think and plan and hopefully, make the changes to simplify my world.  You see, I've realized some things.  Everyone wants happiness and happiness is love.  And love is all around me.  Maybe, I just needed to see that I have all that I need: my writing, my puppies and my family including the love of my life by my side.

And, if a baby is not part of the equation so be it.  The things I have outweigh what is missing.  No longer can I focus on the missing pieces because truth be told, I am blessed.

Sigh.  Breathe.  Cry.  Repeat.  Letting go is hard dammit.  I would much rather try and control it all, but I can't.  I just can't anymore.

So my friends, here we go.  Time to get in the passenger seat and put on my seatbelt.  I may not know where I am going, but I can't wait for the journey.

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