I am sitting on the beach in Newport writing this. My hubby took my mother-in-law and I here to enjoy the sun and sand. I needed to clear my mind and for me, sitting on the beach and watching the ocean is a tranquil and meditative environment.
My mind is swirling like the waves before me. Last week, I went to get a six week ultrasound and while they saw a gestational sac, they didn't see anything else. Of course, I overreacted and didn't sleep for days worrying that there is not a baby there despite all evidence to the contrary (rising hormone levels, expanding girth etc) and ignoring the fact that the ultrasound was very early.
After a week of angst and much research, I have come to the conclusion that I should not have had such an early ultrasound. There were no danger signs such as bleeding or cramping and thus, it wasn't medically indicated in my non expert opinion because all it did was freak me out.
When I talked to my doctor, he pleaded with me not to worry and said that I could return in a week
Tomorrow I will have another ultrasound and am hoping and praying everything goes well. Wish me luck. In the end, I have to believe all is OK. And whatever will be, will be.