Panorama of San Bernardino

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Letting Go

I am not adept at letting go (or adept at not letting go).  Instead of shrugging the bad situations off, many of them petty and trivial things, I agonize over every slight or negative comment.

Some days I wish I could be one of those people that don't give a shit, but alas I am not.

This is not all bad news.  The positive aspect of my personality is that I am constantly reassessing and asking myself how to improve.  The problem could be that my job as a public defender is by its very nature confrontational.  And, I like to argue but I pay a price for it with my internal critique.  In Nora Ephon's "You've Got Mail", the Meg Ryan character laments that she always thinks of what to say after the fact which is similar to my dilemma.  I like to debate and argue, but I am always questioning my reactions and performance.  Perhaps it is the artist in me that wants to edit my life like I can the written word.  In other words, I want a rewrite.

And I know what you are all thinking while reading this, I am narcissistic.  Stipulate.

Maybe all I need to do is vent by writing and relieve the stress by exercising.  I always feel better after a good run and a good story.  In my self-imposed sobriety, exercise and writing are my new drugs (other than Diet Coke).

Tonight with rain falling from the sky, this is my outlet.

Thank you for listening.

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