Panorama of San Bernardino

Sunday, July 21, 2013

A mess of things

I am a mess.  I am anxious and irritable most of the time.  I have been sober for a year come next weekend and what I have realized down my new path of sobriety is that life is hard.  There are days that make me wanna drink.  Scratch that.  I never needed an excuse for drinking.  Or better yet, a great day was as good an excuse for drinking as a bad day was.  Drinkers don't need an excuse is my point.  We drink because there is something unquiet within us that needs to be muffled and alcohol is the elixir that fixes it and makes us feel normal.

My new normal is far better than my old normal.  Yes, I am still an anxious, quivering mess who tries to be funny and confident (too hard sometimes I am sure).

And I can't take my husband's or anyone else's criticism without crying inside.  I am still that six year old girl at the front of the class craving validation.  Love me.  Yet, being sober has made me deal.  Not drinking has forced me to confront my issues in a way I never could as long as I had my German beers or a Malibu and Diet Coke in hand.

Just don't ask me to give up my Diet Coke.

Here I am world.  This is me.  Take it or leave it.  I am really talking to myself here I know...

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