Panorama of San Bernardino

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A poem called IPOD

IPOD
by Juanita Mantz (circa 2006-2007 in San Francisco)
Walking through the subway
I feel invincible,
not at all like my normal self.
The white headphones signify my ascent into
a club of sorts. The epitome of coolness
I tap my feet on the escalator
Humming.
It feels good to be distant,
lost in the sound of bass and drum
I smile-no longer anxious
no need to meet other eyes
my audio sunglasses
bathe me in blissful
Anonymity.
Do others feel this peaceful?
I know the immersion is an illusion
but I am drowning
feeling nothing
except the rhythms
running in my head, fast
Slow.
I am addicted. I switch from
White Stripes to Miss Dynamite
to Aimee Mann
to my high school days
with a little of the Pixies
Erasure, then some Cure,
Joy Division.
I feel like a teenager again.
Hanging out in the quad
smoking stale cigarettes
I stole from my dad. 
Wanting to be someone 
anyone, but me.
Blue
black hair, stud earring in one nostril
(before that was overdone).
Bright red thermals cover legs
I will always be ashamed of
only later will I see this
as a costume
Masquerade
Designed to hide
the pure sadness of that Time
To obscure the goals I had abandoned
in hopelessness by age sixteen. 
I want to yell
“Girl, all is not lost”
No
And though years will be lost
drinking trying to dull
the sharpness of it all
somehow, someway
I will emerge
Defiant and proving them wrong.
All
who had given me up
for dead.  A high school
dropout, a statistic
But never humble I knew
I was powerful and equal
To all of Them.
Regardless
here I am walking
to the beats in my head 
my feet pounding
the moving sidewalk
and suddenly I can’t suppress
the urge to Run.

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